o.O

I swear, music just appears on my harddrive. I need to shuffle all more often, it's an enlightening experience. I have no idea where some of this stuff comes from. I can't decide whether I have low standards or just a very wide variety of music tastes.

I've been wondering if maybe I need to take a few non-technical classes. At this point, I could easily finish my education without taking a single class that wasn't computer or electronics related. While that would probably give me a jump-start on my quest for general badass-ery, I might also go insane. I mean... more insane...

However, if that plan fails, I have a back-up plan. It involves lots of black leather, a motorcycle, and two wakizashi.

umm...

Does anyone know how to get tree sap off of a down jacket? It's machine washable if necessary, but does tree sap even come out in the wash?

I did far better on my test this morning than I deserved to (as did most other people in the class), because there's an old test bank in the eet department, and moskowitz neglected to write a new test this year, and because my lab partner was considerate enough to go over the old test with me this morning before class to make sure I knew the concepts. Is it wrong that I feel like I should have completely failed the test?

If I had any talent as an artist at all, I'd make my blog a webcomic. Not because I think I'd be good at making a webcomic, but because I think most if not all of my blogged life could be reflected in a webcomic, even without a whole lot of adjustment.

hobocore!

I would like to point out that it is now once again overcast and drizzly. This must mean I'm secretly a minor weather goddess. You can call me Storm.

There was something else vitally important to the future of mankind that I was *going* to put here, but then a rabid koala walked into my room and started humping my furniture, and the information was inexplicably lost. I hope it wasn't a cure for cancer.

My laundry is done, and andrea's apartment has been proven to be free wireless-less. Also, home-made corndogs 4tw!

Mwwrrr

I wish I were doing more music stuff right now. I really really love music. Naomi is my hero.

I wish I were doing some sort of martial arts right now. It's fun, and healthy.

My lovely, wonderful, awesomecross little sister is currently hoping to get into western after she graduates in '07. If she does that, she's totally moving in with me. I don't care if I have to buy a house.

I hate school

Maybe if I ever have a class that I enjoy, or don't absolutely dread going to, this wouldn't be a problem.

I can't decide whether I want time to slow down so I can get stuff done or speed up so the end will come faster.

Tyler's right, I should get an LJ for this sort of thing.

I like to chew on my headphone cables when I'm not paying attention. I fear that someday this will result in a slight shock and a ruined set of headphones.

I WOULD LIKE MY PERPETUALLY OVERCAST AND DRIZZLY WEATHER BACK PLEASE.

Go away, Boreas.

Mwrr

Some think this is the beginning of the end. Personally I think it will be ignored.

Sorry about my emo-tastic little poem. Also, I'm mean for not letting you leave commentses. *evil snicker*

Blood tests, whee! I have matching holes in my arms, because she tried the left side and that didn't work, so then she did the right side. Apparently the vein in my right arm is awesome. The blood taker people said this the time before last (right before they told me I could give them anything), but I thought it was both arms. So next time I try, I'll have to remember that my right arm is more awesomer.

Flawed

I can't do it.
I try, I really do.
I do my best, and it's not good enough.

I want to. God, do I want to.
I'm capable of it. The resources are available to me.
If I had the strength, the motivation...

If I were somehow better, I could do it.
I could meet every demand.
I could deal with every crisis.

I know I'm not perfect.
I can handle this.
I know I'm still loved.

But every time I slip up
Every time I'm not perfect
I let someone down.

Letting you down...
This I cannot handle.
I would rather die.

Yet to die would dissapoint.
To die would let you down.
To die would be unforgivable.

So I will continue, as I always have.
I will struggle not to disappoint.
I will fail, and hurt.

I will watch myself fail
Knowing I could have succeeded
Knowing it's my fault I've failed.

I will see your faces
The faces of those who expected better
Who want the best for me

I will break.

For Teh Win!!

Best Valentine's Day EVAR.

<3 Brian. Happy V-day everyone.

:(

So if you see me online (or in person I guess, depending on who you are) around 2 pm any given day, you should ask me if I've eaten lunch yet. Apparently I'm incapable of keeping track by myself.

They refused to let me donate. Again. My red blood cell count is even lower than last time, and the lady suggested that I might want to see a doctor or something.

What bothers me is that I really was trying to do better.

I return victorious

Having gotten some much-needed rest, some purplification, and some arm full o' baby. I left everything here that might force me to get work done while I was gone. Meaning, my laptop. And my books, I guess.

I got myself to a place where I could afford to not worry about work for the weekend, and then I decided not to worry about work for the weekend.

I came back to find another e-mail from my design prof, telling me that he hasn't recieved a few of my assignments, again. This makes me angry, but I'm very grateful for both his patience and understanding, especially since I'm being completely honest about it, and the things that haven't arrived are, for the most part, things I sent in. The things that I didn't send in, I've told him that. It's really disconcerting though... if he didn't care quite so much, and pay quite so much attention, half of my work wouldn't have been counted, because it's somehow getting lost in blackboard.

Heard an awesome analogy today. "Mean people are like slinkies. They're kind of annoying most of the time, but at least it's fun to push 'em down the stairs."

Two things.

1) I feel utterly defeated by my own inability to cope with stress properly.

2) When was the last time you hugged a tree? If you've never actually done it (I mean literally, walked up and put your arms around a tree and gave it a little hug, like you would a friend) then I suggest you try. If you're self-conscious about it, do it while no one's around. Don't knock it til you've tried it.

Blargh

I have eaten too much. My stomach hurts.

I'm in a Microsoft career search lecture thingy... and sitting in the front row, on my mac laptop. Heh heh heh.

The lady is... peppy. Very... peppy. And pink. She even talks like a valley girl. It's amazing. She's very excited about microsoft. It's hard to feel that she has brains in her head. Just my impression, that's all.

I is tired. Finish program, go sleep. Ideally. Tomorrow I go home again. It'd be nice to spend a weekend at home (as in, my own place), but... yeah. Niece.

So yeah...

Sorry if I've been pissy/anti-social/stabby-rippy-stab-stab toward you lately. I'm working on it. I'm trying not to hide in my room when I get home. I'm trying not to be whiny, which occasionally leads me to just not talking to people. I'm trying to not get sucked into feeling stressed and worried all the time, which occasionally makes it look as though I'm not taking things seriously. I'm trying to remember to eat, but that's just flat out not working. I'm sorry if any or all of this bothers you.

Do Not Float Above Me When I'm Dying In The Abyss!

I think it must be alarm clocks. I just hate alarm clocks. The depth of my revulsion toward those auditory abominations cannot be measured on any mere human scale. Last night I gave up on it, refused to set the alarm, and woke up this morning feeling refreshed and happy for the first time in about a month. I got up in plenty of time for my 8 am class. I must be insane.

Joe wants to get drunk with me. o.O

This is awesome. I feel great. I should obviously start blaming all the problems in my life on alarm clocks.

Blogger is dumb.

So is Moskowitz. Electronics labs don't need to be that painful. I shouldn't have to struggle with the same thing for three hours because the professor doesn't want to take the time to help me figure out what's wrong.

I plan on finishing one of the two CAD exercises that I have due tomorrow night before I leave the labs tonight. It's an 18 page tutorial. I'm on page 8. I even shut down my laptop so I'd pay attention to it instead of chatting. It's just long. I was amused by the following footnote in my Pro/E book:

This is a good topic for a philosophical discussion. [blah blah, something about design intent and dimensioning schemes]. If you want to start a lively discussion among hard-core Pro/E users, ask them if it is better to use "Shown" dimensions or "Created" dimensions in a drawing.

If you ever find yourself having a "lively discussion" with "hard-core Pro/E users" I think you should run away. Then get a life. Whatever you do, don't ask them if it is better to use shown or created dimensions in a drawing.

I did finish the program I had due last night, fully commented and working correctly. In the process of pulling myself back on track in that class, I may or may not have fallen behind a tiny bit in all of my other classes. I hate school.